Dear Finder,
It’s my most sincere hope that you are one of the nicest and most honest people on the planet. If you are I am sure you have opened this document in order to find who “Jessica Massabrook”, the owner of this harddrive is. As my hard drive is titled, my name is Jessica Massabrook. If you have found this on the Moore premises I hope you can find it in your heart to bring this to Jeanette in Student Services. If you’ve found this somewhere else between Philadelphia and Trenton I hope that you’ll contact me at one of the following places:
a) send a message to jmassabrook@gmail.com
b) send a message to “Jessica Massabrook” on Facebook.
c) call me at (000) 000 0000
d) put something in my “ask” box on tumblr; jmassabrook.tumblr.com
If you don’t do any of these things my life may well be over because I will fail every single class that you see I’ve saved on this hard drive. I might have a panic attack or in an extreme case commit suicide. Please don’t think these are idle threats. This is the absolute truth. Because I will fail and my future will be gone and I’d end up flipping burgers at McDonalds. And no one wants to do that. Unless you have an unhealthy obsession with McDonalds. If you do I suggest watching super size me, it might help you go cold turkey without any of the side effects of cold turkey because how could anyone want those fries in their stomach? Right?
The moral of the story is that this is my hard drive and I’d appreciate it if you returned it.
Love you if you’re an honest person,
Hate you if you’re making me commit suicide,
Jess Massabrook
